Leaps and Bounds

Okay, before I go back to the difficulties of nursing, I gotta address what's really (thankfully) on my mind: the growth and development I've seen in vv during these weeks of nursing. I sometimes think it's one of the blessings of the persistent work we've had to do with latching -- that I've observed her really, really closely. We've had to work together to learn to latch (and are still working). Maybe it's romanticizing the situation -- certainly I'm not the only mother that has observed these things in her baby. But I love seeing these things, and observation to me is a matter of deep interest and spiritual growth; and it's a way of knowing somebody, which is a crucial ingredient to loving them. And, I need to focus on the good things about this "nursing relationship."

So, in chronological order:

1. When we first started learning to latch, vv would get frustrated, and her hands would start to flail. Clearly, her hands were not involved in her overall goal of getting that breast in her mouth. For example, she'd lunge for the nipple with her mouth, then at the last minute, stuff her fist in her mouth instead. Or, she'd be searching for the nipple with her mouth and simultaneously pushing the breast away with her hands.

Now, she puts her hands on the breast, and draws them toward her as she goes for the latch. Hands, meet mouth! Mouth, meet hands! I knew you guys would get along.

2. The other day, as I was getting her in position to nurse, vv looked up at me, clearly realizing, for the very first time, that there was a face attached to the breasts. It was like she was thinking --"hey, I didn't see you there -- have you been there this whole time??"

3. This is a big one cognitively, I think. Now, the La Leche League tells me that crying is a late sign of hunger in a baby, and you should really get to nursing when you see the baby, say, chewing on its fists, instead of letting it get to the point where the baby is crying. I try to do this, but the reality is, vv is a red-faced scream fest by the time we get down to feeding, more often than I'd like.

Before, it was only when she actually felt my nipple on her mouth that she'd calm down (with that instant change of mood that only babies can do). Even if we didn't get the latch right away, feeling the nipple brush her lips at least told her that comfort was at hand.

Now, she calms down earlier in the process of getting ready to nurse -- when I lay her on her side, even if we're still not totally situated, she calms down. Somehow, she's recognizing the pattern leading up to her getting to suckle, which makes it seem as though she's getting the concept of delayed gratification. And, tending toward being more calm instead of more agitated. Which is a good trend.

Babies are incredibly smart. By observation, I realize how fast they learn, and how many skills and proficiencies go in to being a human.

And, in learning to be a mother, I realize that the capacity to learn is neverending . . .